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Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
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Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
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Tuesday, December 26th, 2006
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Saturday, December 16th, 2006
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On the twelfth day of Christmas,  biggdaddykai sent to me... Twelve movies traveling Eleven mp3s writing Ten computers a-performing Nine books gaming Eight wristbands a-sleeping Seven comics a-wrestling Six lyrics a-reading Five cha-a-a-aos Four vampires Three deftones Two boondock saints ...and a manga in an anarchy. |
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and maybe its just me, but I think that the "new" Foo Fighters album Skin and Bones: Live may just be god's gift to man. The acoustic version of Everlong has long been my favorite song, of all time really, but a whole album... thats just fuckin sweet.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 15th, 2006
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on a hellbound train, with nowhere to go and nothing to gain!
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Thursday, December 14th, 2006
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poop....
...that is all.
thank you for your patronage!
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Sunday, February 19th, 2006
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What is love? what is it really? is it a tangible thing. Can it be counted, traded, sold, or destroyed? Really? Is it worth anything? You tell me? I want your opinion. Apparently it IS a tangible thing.. to be thrown away at a seconds notice. Apparantly it means more to some people then to others. Some value it, some waste it. Its sad really. I have love, more than i even thought possible. The majority of it towards one person. But unfortunately for me, she could care less. Maybe its just me, maybe it happens to everyone, i dont really know. I dont know a whole lot right now. I dont really care about much right now.. and certainly not myself. Maybe one say someone else will care about me, and then I can care about myself.. but somehow that doesnt appear to be a possibility. Cuz im not worthy of love. And even when i find it... it doesnt matter cuz what I want means nothing. I dont understand that either. Maybe im stupid, maybe im immature, hell maybe im just a peice of shit like ive been treated my whole life.. i really dont know.. and right now.. its doesnt even matter. Only ONE person truly mattered to me, and she is trying her damndest to make it clear I dont mean shit to her.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, October 15th, 2005
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Why is it the things we care about most in life, are not only the hardest to get, but the hardest to hold on to. Once upon a time, i believed that I didnt deserve to be loved. I had many reasons for coming to this conclusion. Then something changed.. I changed.. or so I thought. I had found something, something worth fighting for, something worth loving, something I cared about. And for a while it made me think that maybe I had been wrong.. that maybe i really did deserve to be loved. I worked my way past all my insecurities and into the arms of this person that I loved. For once in my life i felt complete.. that i was worth something... and my life had meaning. It was very short-lived. I dont really know if I did something wrong, or DIDNT do something right, or maybe its just that I was right in the first place.. all I know is im back at that point again. I dont feel loved, I am confused, and I am dead inside. I no longer have that protective shell that I hid behind for so many years.. Im too old to run and hide like when I was a child. What am I supposed to do now? I used to be too young and naive to be afraid of anything.. but now I know what is to be feared the most.. love. It can both build you up and tear you down in an instant. The worst part is.. I dont think she will ever know how much she really means to me.. or how much I love her.
fuckin fuck.. i dont feel like writing anymore..
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
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LJ Interests meme results
- big blue monkey:
The band that became Story of the Year.. basically they 0wn. 1000x better than SOTY.. and if anyone has their cds(they were out of St. Louis i believe) you should either send them to me.. or burn me a copy and send them. - comics:
Im a dork.. what about it? hehe - emulators:
see above - green day:
Always liked em. Love to sing em at karaoke too. heh - lennon:
Shes hot. She can sing like few others. and umm.. shes hot. oh yeah.. she is a good friend and i have met MANY good friends pretty much solely because i knew her. what else is there to say? - mp3s:
duh. gotta jam! - performing:
i can be an attention hog at times. i love to be in front of people. get over it! - scarface:
Im not the bad guy! YOU ARE THE BAD GUY! - swords:
Im a bad man with two short swords.. or an axe and a dagger. hehe - wrestling:
Ive been a wrestling freak since before i could walk... literally. my dad used to take me as a baby. Youngest Hulkamaniac ever!
Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.
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Friday, August 19th, 2005
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... BOO!!! yes im alive. umm.. thats about it for now. real update soon. promise.
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Comments: Read 11 or Add Your Own.
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those of you that know me, know that me and my mother dont usually get along. a few weeks ago she took it upon herself to "confiscate" MY car.. note... MY CAR!
She then continues to berate and belittle me for not having a job.. well, thats hard to do without a car.. so anyways last night i decided to "steal" my own car back. So yeah ill be busy dodging her and such.. so if im not on much.. ill be back. may be a few weeks til i get shit back to normal.. but i will be back.. i promise you.
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Comments: Read 9 or Add Your Own.
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1. Total number of films I own on DVD/video: i havent counted in a while... but over 150.. probably about 200.. and roomie owns at least another 200 on dvd.. i wouldnt venture to guess how many VHS tapes i own.. let alone his. its a shitload
2. The last film I bought: Blade Trinity
3. The last film I watched: Xmen(was on tv last night)
4. Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me: Tombstone, Boondock Saints, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, LOTR Trilogy, Shawshank Redemption
5. Which five people am I passing the baton onto? ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) skratte violentred screamasneeded chrizzycrazy ihatemyisp bph tragicdichotomy sheslikenoother and anyone else that wants to do it(yes i know i picked more than 5.. but i figure i can get 5 of these to respond hehe)
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Comments: Read 15 or Add Your Own.
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Fell On Black Days
Whatsoever I've feared has come to life
Whatsoever I've fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded
And now I'm doing time
Cause I fell on black days
Whomsoever I've cured I've sickened now
Whomsoever I've cradled I've put you down
I'm a search light soul they say
But I can't see it in the night
I'm only faking when I get it right
Cause I fell on black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate
So what you wanted to see good has made you blind
And what you wanted to be yours has made it mine
So don't you lock up something that you wanted to see fly
Hands are for shaking
No, not tying
No, not tying
I sure don't mind a change
But I fell on black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate
The Day I Tried To Live
I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said seize the day, pull the trigger
Drop the blade, and watch the rolling heads
The day I tried to live
I stole a thousand beggar's change
And gave it to the rich
The day I tried to win
I dangled from the power lines
And let the martyrs stretch
Singing
One more time around might do it
One more time around might make it
One more time around might do it
One more time around
The day I tried to live
Words you say never seem
To live up to the ones inside your head
The lives we make never seem
To ever get us anywhere but dead
The day I tried to live
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs
I woke the same as any other day you know
I should have stayed in bed
The day I tried to win
I wallowed in the blood and mud with
All the other pigs
And I learned that I was a liar
Just like you
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, April 30th, 2005
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Your Birthdate: August 27 |
Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path.
Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by yourself to rest and meditate.
There is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do.
This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative.
You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends.
You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return. |
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 14th, 2005
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Before love, people always ask can I.. Can i make it. Can I be what i want to be. Can I acheive my goals. Can I find someone to spend my life with.
During love, people ask when will we.. When will we have children. When will we get married. When will we take that trip. When will we finally get a new car. When will we get to spend more time together.
After love, people ask why didnt I.. Why didnt i show her more love. Why didnt I pay more attention. Why didnt i try harder. Why didnt i fight for what I had. Why didnt I make sure I was ready.
Before love, people doubt themselves.. Why am i not with somebody. Why am I not loved. What is it I am missing.
During love, people doubt the reality of the situation.. How can this be real. How can i be so happy. What wonderful thing did i do to deserve her. When am i going to wake up from this dream.
After love, people doubt their decisions.. Why did I do that. What was my reason for ignoring her needs. What else could I have done. How did I mess that up.
Before love, people must learn to love themselves.. Why do I do these things. What should i do to make myself better. How can I make myself do the right thing. Why would i think i am ugly. Should I lose weight or am I fine the way i am.
During love, people must learn to love another.. Why does she push my buttons. How can i let her get to me so easily. Why is it i can look into her eyes for hours. What is it about her that i cant seem to get off of my mind.
After love, people must learn to forgive.. How many times must I say I am sorry. What could I have done differently. When did it all go sour. Can I ever be as good without her, as I was with her. Should I apologize first, or let her call.
But no matter what, throughout life you will have questions.. and there are some questions that cant be answered. There are some answers that come easily, and other that are hard to come by. But never stop searching, whether you are searching for love as I am, or just for something easy like the meaning of life. Never give up, or give up hope, cuz until you find those answers, you will never be fulfilled. I know I refuse to live my life unfulfilled, to live an empty life. I dont know if its the goals or the journeys that give my life meaning, but I will travel both the high and low roads until I find my answers. How about you?
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, April 7th, 2005
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Im sure everyone has felt empty before.
That feeling that something is missing, something more should be there. Everyone has. They may not have known what they were feeling exactly, and it may have passed easily and quickly for the lucky ones. But some of us, it doesnt pass so easily or quickly. Now imagine feeling that you are SO close to filling that hole. Close to finding the final peice. Close to completion. And then realizing that no matter how hard you try, how hard you reach, how fast you run, it may always be just outside your reach. Could you be content with the journey? I know as well as anyone that the destination, is just the starting point for the next journey, but it feels good to actually reach those destination points on occasion. I am far from giving up, but these defeatist thoughts still permeate me constantly. Only thru soundness of mind, and an unmatchable stubborness am I able to forge on continuously.
When do you know its time to give up and move on to the next task tho? I know I havent reached that point as of yet, but im wondering what some thoughts are of others as to when you reach that point. How do you know when the work, effort, blood, sweat, and tears put towards a task combined with the end result no longer outweigh the work still remaining to reach that result. read that again if you need to. i had to. heh. but seriously i want to know how some of you unfortunate souls that read my drivel find that point.
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Comments: Read 28 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 11:05 pm. |
| Mood: | contemplative. |
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You hafta lose to gain. Do you know what that means? You may have heard it put another more specific way, you hafta spend money to make money. Same concept, but it applies to much more than just currency. Life is a rollercoaster. Everyone has ups and downs. EVERYONE. If you see someone that you covet that seems to have everything going for them, they sacrificed. They paid their dues in some way. It happens to everyone. You feel like crap, or you sacrifice time or money, or you fail at something, or you dont get that promotion. Everyone has these things happen. But with every low there is a high. With every new low, there is a new high to be found. Its just around the corner, its just up the street.. it will happen.
On a related note. I have always felt that everything that happens to you, every sacrifice, every hardship, and every lesson you learn is to prepare you for the next challenge. Life is a series of challenges. Some you win, some you dont. So even if you think you arent prepared for whatever challenge you are facing right now, you are. You are as ready as you are even going to be. Like i said. Sometimes you lose.. but even when you do, you walk away better and more ready for the next one.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
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dav [1:08 PM]: just remember when u dig urself into a hole that u can't dig ur way out, u have to stop digging and start climbing
me [1:08 PM]: yeah i know.. i try.. but you cant climb straight up so easily
dav [1:09 PM]: indeed, but as someone once said " nothing worth doing is easy"
me [1:09 PM]: yeah who was that anyways
me [1:09 PM]: hehe
dav [1:10 PM]: some guy, jesus maybe?
me [1:10 PM]: that bastard is always running off at the mouth
dav [1:11 PM]: but u try to tell him to shut up a minute and he gets all " hey i'm the son of god, u can't tell me to shut up!" i swear u can't bring him anywhere.
( Dont ever doubt my stupidity again. Warning: religiously nauseous should not continue )
yeah i dont wanna hear about how im going to hell either.. fuck satan.. bastard owes me 50 bucks anyways.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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How do you measure the worth of a man? There are only two ways i know of. The idealistic, eccocentric way. And the realistic, real world way. The idealistic way harkens back to the old saying, "You can tell the measure of a man by the company he keeps". If that were true, i would be the greatest man alive today. I truly do have some wonderful friends. I appreciate each and every one of you too, whether i show it enough or not. But we all know that isnt the way that really matters is it? The realistic way is what really matters. The way the real world measures worth. It all boils down to three things. Money, Power, and Respect. Anyone that denies this is only fooling themselves. As far as money goes, right now, and hell most of my life I havent had much of it. When i would get some extra I would always blow it on something stupid or selfish. So I get nothing there. Power.. if you mean physical strength then I can more than hold my own, but that is not it. It means the ability to control others, through their perception and acceptance of your superiority and/or authority. Well i dont consider myself superior to anyone, and I dont really have any authority. So i get nothing there either. Now we are left with respect. Now that I have. Most if not all of my friends respect me for one reason or another. My brothers have learned to respect me, and I have earned it from many for various reasons. But respect alone. What does that do me? Not a hell of a lot, let me tell you. You cant buy a meal with respect. You cant pay for your insurance with respect. You cant sway someones point of view with respect alone. Sure its nice to have, and i certainly spent my time earning it, but what REAL good is it doing me. None. Its not tangible, or edible, or insurable. So when you measure a mans worth you should get a real answer. When you measure my worth... what do you get?
Dont ask what got me on this train of thought. Its not for ANY reason that any of you may be thinking. Its just what i decided to write about.. that is all.. dont read anything more than that into it.
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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